Ahhh…the deafening silence of the blog…almost no comments anywhere! SO I have to step up and keep sticking something in the empty spaces!Today I’ve been thinking a lot about love versus sex…I’m not really sure why my mind is on it, but it is an interesting topic.

It is a biological fact that females instinctively connect the two (love and sex) together. In an anthropological sense that is a necessity because early hominid females needed to be committed to their mate so that their offspring would have a hunter and a provider…the male. On the other hand, males needed to have the ability to move about and spread their seed to the most viable females and so instinctively males do not tie emotion to the physical act of sex. Although modern society would have us believe that every male and female (for those who are heterosexual) should be happily paired in monogamous and unending marriages, anthropologically speaking, genetic diversity is key to the survival of any species. Early hominid males would have added variance and viability to the species as a whole by having sexual trysts with as many females has possible for the purpose of producing offspring.

What does that mean in modern culture? It means that a chaotic mix of sexual and emotional prototypes developed when cultures tried to temper instincts with shifting theological believes and growing cognizant inclinations. The idea of matrimony developed historically with power fully vested in matrilineal lineage. Possessions and positions passed from mother to daughter because they appeared to independently produce offspring. As cultures developed and civilizations spread power shifted to patriarchal dominance. Whatever reason for the shift, and there are lots of anthropological theories out there, the shift was eventually absolute the world over.

In modern America this means that on the heels of the sexual revolution most men and women flounder in confusion to the extent that one of the most popular books in the last decade adroitly spouted that men are from Mars and women from Venus in a stilted effort to bring them onto the same playing field. But in simple English, Homo Sapien males are instinctively compelled to spread their literal seed to as many different females as often as possible, while Homo Sapien females instinctively hunt for a committed provider and a safe nest. This explains away an entire stereotypical history of male philandering and dominance in modern civilization. However, it is cognizance and intellectual development that can stave off instinct and allow individuals to choose their paths of behavior.

For the sake of equal rights, and modern dating, women need to understand that sex and love are two different things and that no matter what a female does the typical male can not even conceive of those two as being automatically synonymous…that no amount of sex (no matter how great) can cause love to develop. Males need to understand that women have an issue differentiating amongst the two and that males must stop categorizing women as the type they can love and take home to their parental units or the type they can screw but never have a relationship with. As long as this double standard of females either being sluts or good girls and males doing whatever they want exists, equality between the sexes can never happen. Does this include everyone? Absolutely not, but such stereotypical males and females (again this is only in heterosexual relationships) exist because these behavioral patterns occur repeatedly in contemporary American culture.

To continue the evolution of heterosexual relationships males and females need to search within themselves and figure out exactly how they view all of these things and be honest with themselves, and their potential conquests, about what they want and how they view the the spectrum of love and sex while obliterating ANY preconceived notions that theology and society impose upon them (a LOT easier said than done). Can sex and love coexist synonymously in mentally healthy males and females? Of course, and texts as old as the Kama Sutra are a testament to the erotic and emotional ecstasy that can be enjoyed by a couple’s cognizant exploration of such a balanced state. BUT too many males and females find themselves stuck in wounding relationships because they blindly follow theological and societal rules, never learned to truly assess themselves or their needs, and failed to learn to find a balance that is satisfactory to themselves and their partners.

To move forward with equality American society needs to ditch the idea that males and females should all want to be paired for life and that sexual experimentation is an entitled privilege of males and focus on determining their own, individualized course of action. On a different note, when a modern female embraces her sexuality regardless of societies damnation (think Samantha in Sex in the City) the dating game takes on a new, and more equal, mien. My poem today is about just that.

Instinct

through the night
prowls the predator
patiently stalking her dinner,
instinctually quelling
the need to spring,
morphing into the stance
of a stalker
once an individual
stands out from the herd

the culling begins
with a predatory glance
and practiced maneuvers
that with patience
sets a trap,
turning the prey into a
morsel made all the better
by his willing sacrifice

a predator learns
to play with her food,
touching and teasing it,
testing for palatability
drawing out that first taste
of tongue against skin,
that first scent of sweat
and cologne and raw need

too late the prey realizes
promises mean nothing to a predator,
it is only the hunt
that fills her emptiness,
everyone else is merely prey
to whet her appetite
and assuage her instincts
driving her to feed again