You know it’s been a rough year, not just for me and my family, but for most people around the globe. In the middle of your own life it’s hard to remember that you don’t have it so bad, that there is always something to be grateful for (or in most cases, a lot of somethings to be grateful for).

I read a blog today by Jason Myers (http://jasonamyers.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/uncertainty/) and boy howdy did that define me for the last 2 writers meetings. A meeting I might add that I organized over a year ago and currently head up trying to keep my group motivated in completing a novel while still earning an income from a “real” job.

I not only didn’t manage to read any of the stories sent in for critiquing for the last 2 meetings, but was so stressed that I didn’t make one meeting altogether. I think that was the first one that I have ever missed.

So as last Friday approached and I yet again hadn’t submitting anything, nor read what was submitted, I flirted with the idea of not even going. Why should I? I didn’t want to be around people. I haven’t written anything for weeks that didn’t deal with a business policy or employee agreements. And I sure hadn’t read either of the two stories up for review.

So now, not only am I behind in my group, but blogs? Please, I haven’t even thought about posting on the few that I am author or co-author of. Can you tell motivation is at an all time low?

Maybe it has something to do with the economy, maybe it has something to do with ill family members, maybe it has something to do with overwhelming guilt, maybe it has something to do with failing or maybe, just maybe it’s a combination of all those things.

I’d like to say I have no regrets. I try to do things that I won’t regret, but this year there is just one thing after another. I’m tired and motivation is just not there.

So I pushed through and tried to hide my lack of enthusiasm for the writing group, the failure at having not submitted anything or critiquing anything, and the guilt of not being able to visit family more often.

Despite my numb attitude (which I like to think I hid from my group pretty well — um, well at least until this blog posts , I felt better after. Not by a lot, but the patience from the group for my not critiquing in a timely manner went a long way. I even almost, almost felt like writing.

Four days later I still don’t much feel like writing, but I find that I am thinking not only about the pieces submitted, but my own novel in turn. 2 nights ago as I lay in bed somewhere between sleep and waking up, I swear there was a shift. Something in the pit of my stomach went from clenched anxiousness to everything is back to normal. Life is going to be ok and my firm belief that I will always land on my feet has returned to my inner being.

Something must have changed because if you hadn’t noticed, I just posted my first blog in 3 months.

Thanks to my twitter peep @dkrobbins for tweeting Jason Myers blog and thank you Jason for letting me know that I am not the only writer out there with the same concerns and stresses.

Keep writing, somewhere along the line, it’ll make you feel much better. Here’s to the positive attitude and writing muse returning!